Lil late, but still pertinent

http://runkeeper.com/user/xianoth/activity/148111194?&tripIdBase36=2g6jbu

Completed night 2 of my walking. I will have to give myself a day or recovery and do some other form of exercise tonight. I have rubbed my feet raw on my new walking sneakers. Have to let the callouses build up again. The walks are pretty good, the cold northern air is refreshing to me, unlike the humid air from Florida. Unless a nice breeze kept the air moving, it was real hard to breathe the moist air of the south and feel like you were getting ahead of your breath. I am sure it doesn't help that when you are overweight, it is that much more of a task, so I will give it a try again when I am at a lesser weight and see how it goes.

My mind is doing some strange rearranging lately. I am getting lots of feelings and emotions that do not seem to be tied into anything. On top of which, situations where I usually have an emotional response to, I feel lost because there is nothing. Granted, the nothing situations are usually instances where I feel like I screwed up in some way or form. It is a bizarre feeling to not have that emotional crutch for support and then start to realize that the crutch may have actually been a shackle all these years. All my inner demons are also getting a light shined on them one at a time. Some are easier to deal with than others, however the fact that they are now visible and apparent is a good sign that dealing with them may be hard but they are now actively there in my sight to start to deal with them.

I have yet to fall back into the walking hypnosis where I can just feel comfortable walking and let my mind wander. My body is not suited for walking like that yet. It is something that I do miss from my youth. Walking was always a sort of an inner adventure as much as an external one. I recall at time where I would start walking and be mindless to the outside world and then look up and realize that I was only a couple of streets from my destination. What is normally a 45 minute walk, seemed to me to be only 10 minutes. There has been a lot of disconnect in my life. Slowly, and one at a time for now,  I will reconnect with things that meant something for me. It will be a long journey, as it was to get to where I am now. I am hopeful, even if some days I feel lost.