Having settled back in the Northern climate, I have immediately caught a nasal infection, joy of joys. This is only compounded to the fact that I use a CPAP machine at night to assist me with breathing due to severe sleep apnea.My CPAP mask is nasal only and due to my sinuses being blocked up, I was not getting any good sleep at all last night. I tried a few things that worked for 'maybe' an hour or so and then I couldn't breathe again. I got to thinking about why I decided to work on losing weight and get more healthy.
Life is not perfect, why should your body be? This is the journey of a man set out to change his life. Not to any ideal of perfection that the world seems to be stuck on but to his own satisfaction.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Thursday, September 13, 2012
A revisit and musings
http://runkeeper.com/user/xianoth/activity/117714982
Revisited the walk to and from the grocery store today. Found out that it was a very possible walk for me. The runkeeper link for today only shows from the Store back to home. Sadly the going "to" trip got cancelled somehow and so blah.
It seems that walking and kettle bell lifting cannot be done on the same day. Or if it is, walking first then kettle bell. Otherwise my muscles are all fatigued out. The only muscle that was giving me problems today was my right shin to calf muscle. I need to get new walking shoes as the ones I currently have are broken in too much now. The right foot on the right side of the shoe has no support anymore, my gait slides my foot to the right as impact and slides my foot off the sole of the shoe, the overcompensation is whats causing the muscles to get angry. It wasn't til the end of the return trip that I started going into muscle failure on my lower back and legs, which was about a half block from the house. Stamina is still something that I am working on.
I was forwarded a few inspirational stories today.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/21/i-lost-weight-jerome-biggars_n_1818760.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/22/suzi-walthall-i-lost-weight_n_1618833.html
Both speak of how long the actual weight loss took based on personal experiences and life choices. My only concern is that both of them had to go through a skin removal operation due to the excessive skin that was left over from the weight loss. Now I have been told that if the weight comes off gradually over a long period of time, your skin will adapt and shrink with you. The reasons that these people had to go through the surgery was due to the speed of which they lost the weight, one of which was through a Doctor monitored diet. My concern is that I will eventually need said surgery myself. I find a lot of these articles flippant when they state that they went through a medical procedure, where the fact of the matter is that the procedure for skin removal is considered a cosmetic surgery and is not covered under health insurance, not that I currently have any. My father went through a liquid diet that was Doctor monitored and he lost a bunch of weigh and had the excess skin but could not get it removed because they could not find a place that would do it under the insurance due to it being considered a cosmetic surgery. I feel that if my Dad had been able to get the surgery done, he would have kept the weight off, as it was I feel that the excess skin was a hard reminder of what was and was tantamount to making him binge eat again. I don't want to get caught in that trap.
If I end up losing the weight and getting healthy, I am hoping that the skin will get healthy right along with me. Otherwise there will be some sort of silly fund raiser to try and gather the money required for the procedure. I find it difficult that a skin removal operation is considered as frivolous as a face lift when in reality it is removing the physical and psychological monkey from a person who has known nothing else than being fat equates to being ugly and unacceptable to society.
Revisited the walk to and from the grocery store today. Found out that it was a very possible walk for me. The runkeeper link for today only shows from the Store back to home. Sadly the going "to" trip got cancelled somehow and so blah.
It seems that walking and kettle bell lifting cannot be done on the same day. Or if it is, walking first then kettle bell. Otherwise my muscles are all fatigued out. The only muscle that was giving me problems today was my right shin to calf muscle. I need to get new walking shoes as the ones I currently have are broken in too much now. The right foot on the right side of the shoe has no support anymore, my gait slides my foot to the right as impact and slides my foot off the sole of the shoe, the overcompensation is whats causing the muscles to get angry. It wasn't til the end of the return trip that I started going into muscle failure on my lower back and legs, which was about a half block from the house. Stamina is still something that I am working on.
I was forwarded a few inspirational stories today.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/21/i-lost-weight-jerome-biggars_n_1818760.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/22/suzi-walthall-i-lost-weight_n_1618833.html
Both speak of how long the actual weight loss took based on personal experiences and life choices. My only concern is that both of them had to go through a skin removal operation due to the excessive skin that was left over from the weight loss. Now I have been told that if the weight comes off gradually over a long period of time, your skin will adapt and shrink with you. The reasons that these people had to go through the surgery was due to the speed of which they lost the weight, one of which was through a Doctor monitored diet. My concern is that I will eventually need said surgery myself. I find a lot of these articles flippant when they state that they went through a medical procedure, where the fact of the matter is that the procedure for skin removal is considered a cosmetic surgery and is not covered under health insurance, not that I currently have any. My father went through a liquid diet that was Doctor monitored and he lost a bunch of weigh and had the excess skin but could not get it removed because they could not find a place that would do it under the insurance due to it being considered a cosmetic surgery. I feel that if my Dad had been able to get the surgery done, he would have kept the weight off, as it was I feel that the excess skin was a hard reminder of what was and was tantamount to making him binge eat again. I don't want to get caught in that trap.
If I end up losing the weight and getting healthy, I am hoping that the skin will get healthy right along with me. Otherwise there will be some sort of silly fund raiser to try and gather the money required for the procedure. I find it difficult that a skin removal operation is considered as frivolous as a face lift when in reality it is removing the physical and psychological monkey from a person who has known nothing else than being fat equates to being ugly and unacceptable to society.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Veryupset with my current state of being
http://runkeeper.com/user/xianoth/activity/116904323
So the house decided to walk to the grocery store which is about a mile away. I went along and wound up not being able to do it at all. I got 4/10 of a mile out and my lower back gave out on me. I couldn't keep my breath, and could not keep up at all.
I understand that everyone is concerned about me and all, but it really PISSES me off when I can't even simply keep up. I am in a "fuck it all" mood now because I failed. I hate failing, I hate it to it's core. Its not even a learning situation for me, it is a detriment to my very being. I should be better than this but I am not. I know its all emotional and most of the people I am around are logical, not emotional and all they are gonna say is "Only you can fix it." FUCK YOU! I am not telling you how I feel so that someone can fix it for me. I state it so you UNDERSTAND what I am going through. No shit "Only I can fix it", who the fuck else is going to. All you are doing by saying that to me is rubbing it in my face and implying that I am not doing a good enough job. Regardless if that was your intent. All I want is an OK that people understand, not a OK just to shut me up.
So the house decided to walk to the grocery store which is about a mile away. I went along and wound up not being able to do it at all. I got 4/10 of a mile out and my lower back gave out on me. I couldn't keep my breath, and could not keep up at all.
I understand that everyone is concerned about me and all, but it really PISSES me off when I can't even simply keep up. I am in a "fuck it all" mood now because I failed. I hate failing, I hate it to it's core. Its not even a learning situation for me, it is a detriment to my very being. I should be better than this but I am not. I know its all emotional and most of the people I am around are logical, not emotional and all they are gonna say is "Only you can fix it." FUCK YOU! I am not telling you how I feel so that someone can fix it for me. I state it so you UNDERSTAND what I am going through. No shit "Only I can fix it", who the fuck else is going to. All you are doing by saying that to me is rubbing it in my face and implying that I am not doing a good enough job. Regardless if that was your intent. All I want is an OK that people understand, not a OK just to shut me up.
Out with one and in with another
Writing, as it seems, is something I always seem to come back to, no matter what I do in life. Though I have not been writing much here, I have been on my trucking blog due to the fact that I was exercising my CDL right to drive commercially. Though things did not go as planned financially, hence why I am not writing there at the moment, they went horribly wrong when it came to my health and well being.
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